Life has been a whirlwind lately. Honestly, I don’t know when it isn’t though.

On Wednesday I had surgery to get my wisdom teeth removed. With my medical history, there was no covering the fact that I was scared to go back under anesthesia for yet another procedure after I’ve spent months detoxing and trying to heal my body.

Surgery takes a toll on me mentally and physically. In mighty ways. It sounds silly to be afraid of something like wisdom teeth coming out, but unfortunately it is still something that sent me spinning.

I didn’t want Satan to be able to get a hold of me, but it’s in our weakest moments that he grips us the most isn’t it? Satan loves to use those weak moments to pull us away from God, and convince us to believe things that aren’t truth. And that’s what happened. I felt so far away from God in those days leading up to my surgery.

But then I had to remind myself to look back. To look back at all the days that God has been faithful. To look back and see how God has pulled me through every. single. thing. that I have walked through, even the things that I swore were impossible. To look back and see how God has provided me an amazing team of people who have been so willing to walk with me towards my healing & who continue to support me through every up and down.

God’s grace is so present in my story and as I was watching this doctor put the IV in my arm on Wednesday morning I was reminded of that. I had to cling to that.

The beginning of recovery was hard. Pain is a trigger for me. It’s something that I’ve been working through for a few months, and God has kept me wrestling through that. Because that’s a thing in my life that I constantly have to surrender over. *Hint Hint* it’s why I have the words “constant surrender” permanently on my arm. Because there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t need a reminder to live a surrendered life.

I had to surrender my pain and fear to God knowing that He was the only one that was going to be able to sustain me through these days.

The 4 days I spent alone were hard. Why is resting so hard?

Jesus rested.

And He created us to rest too. But it’s hard in the world we live in to slow down.

I wanted to be at work, and hanging out with my friends.

But I knew I had to take care of myself first.

And honestly, being able to nap multiple times a day was a sweet blessing.

God has used this recovery period to grow me in my faith, and to continue to show me what it looks like to fully trust. in. Him.

-Taylor Kate