The first thing I think of when I think of the word “waiting” is the day that I was hopping on a plane to visit a friend. I live in Florida which means it rains 99.98% of the summer, and that means that there’s a chance that flights are going to get delayed if you try to take off in the evening- like I was trying to do.

After my flight got delayed, I had made it to my layover in Denver, but I was late. Part of me was hoping that miraculously the second flight had been pushed back a little bit. But when I arrived at the gate the kind lady looked me in the eyes and said “I’m sorry dear, your flight took off 30 minutes ago. You’ll have to fly out in the morning.” Heart. Sink. Guess who had to sleep in the airport that night? Me.

I had to wait 11 hours in a freezing, empty, airport for my flight the next morning at 8 am.

And that night, life taught me a lot about waiting.

I learned that it’s hard. I learned that it’s cold. I learned that it’s lonely. I learned that sometimes it takes longer than I want it to.

And here I am, walking through a season that is reminding me of my sleepover at the Denver airport.

This season has been one of the longest seasons that I have had to endure. I have gone through plenty of days that are lonely, and hard, and long; in and out of doctor’s offices, placing every ounce of my hope in those doctors. And guess what? I have been let down, over and over and over, because they haven’t given me many answers yet- except for telling me that I have to get more tests run before they can know for sure.

Which has left me to be able to do two things:

W a i t

&

H o p e

And to be completely honest- I’m tired of waiting. 

It’s hard to hold onto hope when hope feels lost. It’s hard to cling to God when God feels far. 

My thoughts have waged war. Fear has stolen my peace. The enemy has hidden the light of God from me.

But somehow I’m hanging on. I get up every day and put one foot in front of the other- and fight.

I fight against the lies that the enemy has filled my head with. I fight against the lies that try to convince me that I’m hard to love in this season. I fight against the lies that tell me that this season will never end.

Being in the middle of so many unknowns doesn’t lead me to want to think that God is still good. Or that He is still for me. Often times, I’m convinced that He has completely forgotten about me.

But I have had to stand here, and remind myself 15495345 million times a day that God does not forget about His children.

Even now. Even today. Even when it is so dang hard. Even when I am sitting through yet another appointment. Questioning everything.

He holds it all together- even when I feel like I am falling apart piece by piece.

He’s the rock at the bottom, catching those broken pieces, and knitting them back together. So I can continue to:

fight

&

hope

&

trust

&

wait- for victory from the battle.

-Taylor Kate