Two weeks.
14 days.
That’s how long it’s been since my world changed forever.
On October 7th, I showed up to Mayo again, for another endometriosis excision surgery, but also a hysterectomy. The pre op nerves were all the same, but the emotions were a lot heavier this time around. I wasn’t only getting my endometriosis removed for the 4th time, but I was also about to lose the organs that were supposed to make me a mom one day.
As I saw my surgeon before my surgery she asked me one last time “are you sure you want the hysterectomy?”
No. I don’t want a hysterectomy. I need a hysterectomy. There’s a difference.
My body was using those very organs to attack me. I lived in pain for years, thinking it was just something I was going to have to get used to.
But as I was rolled into the operating room, I was reminded that everything about to change.
I woke up from my surgery, spent a few hours in recovery, and after my vitals stabilized, I got to leave.
Yay! No sleepovers at the hospital.
That night as I was sitting in the care hotel, I looked at the pictures, and read the post op note from my surgeon just to find out that my endometriosis had returned to all the usual places… no surprise there… and that my uterus was covered in adenomyosis and fibroids…this was surprising.
It was equally heartbreaking and reassuring to know that there was something actually wrong with my uterus. It helped me to feel less crazy, but also broke me down.
My first week of recovery was hard. I was tired. I was having an allergic reaction. I was purely just surviving, and eating a lot of ice cream.
Once I got home, after week one, that’s when reality started to really set in.
I had a hysterectomy.
My uterus is gone.
Did I actually make the right decision? This is a thought that I did not expect to have, but that has come up time and time again. Deep down, I know I did. I prayed about it. My friends prayed for me. And God led me to this. He wouldn’t have let it happen if it wasn’t in His plan. But that doesn’t make it any easier.
God doesn’t always make sense but I just have to trust Him even in the pain.
But it’s in these moments that I remember the phrase that my friend told me back at the beginning of this journey: “healing is coming.”
She repeated this to me in every moment that I was doubting, questioning, or losing my faith.
For weeks I heard this phrase, and I clung to it.
God was speaking through her and I just didn’t know it at the time. All I knew was that my heart was being encouraged, and I was being supported during my hardest moments.
I’m learning to take it one day at a time as I recover. My emotions are fragile, and I feel nothing like myself. But I know God isn’t done with the story yet.
2 weeks down. A long time to go.
But nonetheless: Healing. Is. Coming.
And it’s coming without the uterus in tow.
-Taylor Kate
The Journey To A Great Surrender 