Grief has a way of stripping life down to its essentials.

The things that once felt urgent in my life fade, and my heart is left asking quieter, heavier questions: What really matters now? Who am I without what I’ve lost? Where is God in this?

It quiets the noise of what I felt was certain in my life and leaves me standing with questions I never planned to ask. 

& Let me tell you one thing. I am the queen of questions. I ask God, “Why” 153 times a day. 

Why did I have to have a hysterectomy? Why do I lose family members? Why does my eating disorder kick my butt in seasons of grief? 

Granted, that’s only 3 of the 153 questions that I have about life on this side of Heaven. 

But I don’t have all night to write, I am tired. 

In the moments of my questioning, my faith feels less like a steady foundation and more like a fragile thread—something I’m not sure will hold, but that I cling to anyway. 

Faith feels fragile right now. Like it could shatter at any moment. 

I used to think my faith would protect me from this kind of ache. And I wish it would. 

Instead, it has met me in it. 

Not with easy answers or clear explanations, but with presence: the permission to cry, to doubt, to speak honestly into the silence and trust that God is still there, even when I can’t feel Him. 

I wrestle with grief and faith. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that they can exist together. Grief makes me feel like I’m failing in the faith department. 

BUT God sees me here. In the middle of the messy parts of life. And He still cares about my heart. 

How do I know?

Because in the midst of what feels impossible, He provides. He doesn’t rescue me from my grief…even when I beg and plead….but He gives me friends who are present, who love me well, encourage my heart, let me talk about all the things, and remind me that I’m never alone. 

& that makes such a difference in every season. 

And since I don’t have the secret to skipping through the hard parts, I’ll be here waiting, feeling all the feelings, and eating ice cream. 

• Taylor Kate