For the past year or so I have been struggling with pain that has not been able to be cured-by anything. I have been fighting discouragement of all types after visiting with doctors who just shot me down. I heard them utter the word impossible way too many times, and I started to believe that there might be no way for me to heal from my endometriosis pain. 

I was heartbroken, and I started to get comfortable with the idea that I was just going to have to be taking a painkiller for the rest of my life.

Because nothing. else. was. working. 

God wasn’t showing up in the ways I thought I needed Him to in those moments, and I gave up believing that He wanted anything more for my life. I was convinced that chronic pain was just something that would linger for the rest of my days. 

My faith in God grew weaker as the days and weeks progressed, and it was getting harder and harder for me to believe that God was even good, or that He cared about what I was walking through. 

My fight grew weak, and I didn’t have enough strength to stop it. 

I began to hold on to a phrase that my friend Rachel has spoken over me since the very beginning of this season which is, “you are stronger than you know.”

She would remind me of that every time I felt like I had no bit of strength left in my body.

Thankfully, I was constantly surrounded by uplifting friends and mentors who would continue to pour into me even when I did not really want to hear it. They believed for me when I couldn’t. And they would tell me over and over that God was still good, even if it was the very last thing I wanted to hear. 

They kept planting those faith-filled beliefs in my mind and heart. 

Looking back, their faith and prayers are what gave me the strength to keep pushing during those hardest, darkest moments of this season. 

I still wrestled in my own quiet time with God. I had 105 questions every time I tried to pray, and I was just tired of praying what seemed like empty prayers. 

Just recently my pain was getting to the point where it was unbearable and I landed in the emergency room. It was that night when I began to question a lot of things. Why wasn’t this getting better? The only option the hospital was giving me was an option that no 22 year old or really any woman for that matter wants to hear. 

A hysterectomy. 

I swallowed the hard pill from that news and once again just felt like I was out of options. 

I was defeated and felt like God was nowhere to be found. But it was that news that made me so mad that I knew I had to find something different to try. 

The next day, I texted Rachel to see if I could go over to her house and grab some bone broth-because it’s the best and after a lot of hours in the er that’s all I wanted. I told her what the doctors had told me, and naturally, she was not thrilled-because it was heavy news and went against every desire in my heart.

I honestly think having to tell a friend that I was having to think about that was one of the hardest things ever. Because talking about it out loud just made it feel so real, and reminded me that it might be a reality for me. 

She prayed over me a lot that afternoon and told me that there was a natural doctor who is located in St. Pete that she had reached out to who has healed women from their endometriosis. I didn’t know what to think at first because I have been told for so long that it isn’t possible to heal what I have, so how could this guy be any different? 

But at this point, I was pretty much ready to try anything. 

& I was starting to slowly trust God with the idea that He could be bigger than my diagnosis. 

She managed to get me an appointment the same day that I needed to be in Tampa for an MRI and leading up to this new appointment I just felt so much peace. 

It was so weird.

Peace? 

Before a doctor’s appointment? 

Unheard of…until now. 

Monday came and Rachel and I got on the road bright and early to head to St. Pete. But this car ride was so much different than any of our other trips in the past because I was not riddled with fear. 

I wasn’t afraid to go into this office like I had been terrified about my past appointments. I took that as a huge sign from God that He had this covered and that I had nothing to worry about, plus I was walking into this appointment with someone who believes so much in my healing, and that is such a blessing in itself. 

To have people in my corner, believing so strongly that God CAN and WILL heal me.  

When we arrived at the office, I remember being a little nervous but still so excited to see what he was going to tell me. We sat down in his office and he started asking me questions about my experiences with my endometriosis and my pain levels. I laid it all out, and he didn’t even seem worried about it, which was so comforting. He started to explain to me the ways my body was reacting to certain things, and what supplements he could start me on to improve the problem. 

This is the first doctor I have ever had who has spent so much time being thorough and making sure I understood what he was explaining. I was holding back tears the whole time because I just knew in those moments that I was going to be okay and that this diagnosis wasn’t going to be the end of me.

He seemed so full of hope, which resulted in me being filled with SO MUCH HOPE. 

Hope I have never felt before.

He was confident in my body’s ability to heal, and I know it might be a challenge to have to change parts of my life, and remember to take all these supplements every day, but I am so ready to stand up to that and see what the Lord has in store for me going forward. It’s day two on these new supplements and I already feel so much better.

Day 2, people. Come on. That’s a God thing.

It is so refreshing to feel this renewed sense of peace in the middle of my circumstances and for the first time in forever I can finally believe that God is good, and He really is going to do something here. I remember getting in the car after this appointment and looking at my friend and saying that I was so excited to come back next week, which I have NEVER EVER said before. It was so crazy, and that day was just filled with so many happy tears because GOD IS MOVING. 

That moment in the car was the very moment that I knew God was going to do something bigger. He is going to heal my body, and I am going to be able to come out on the other side and tell the story of how I struggled for so so long, but God came through. Like He always does. In His timing. Not mine.

Healing is really on the horizon now, and I can feel it.

Taylor Kate