A few weeks ago, I was talking to a close friend as I was trying to make the decision about whether or not I was going to have surgery. I poured out every option that I had, and everything I was feeling.

Every hope. Every fear. Every thought.

I remember her telling me “just take the leap of faith, and trust that Jesus is going to be with you.”

I sighed a secret sigh of relief when she said those words because in that that moment I was reminded that even in the middle of a lot of fear, Jesus was there.

I had another conversation about the same decision that I had to make and I was told “because you have Jesus, you really can’t make the wrong choice here.”

The theme here in my conversations is Jesus. He was fully present in all the conversations that I had that week.

I thought, and I prayed, and I wrestled, and I cried many tears until I came to a decision.

I made the decision to have the surgery.

Even in the midst of all the fear. Even in the midst of all the unknowns.

I chose to trust that healing was right around the corner for me.

I experienced moments of wanting to run, and wanting to cancel the surgery because I was a little afraid. But where would the trust be if I gave into my fears?

4 days ago, I had that surgery. My doctor went in looking to remove a cyst that they had been watching and guess what? It was gone. Crazy. Not what I was expecting. Instead, my doctor came to find that I have endometriosis, on top of the PCOS. Also, not what I was expecting. I didn’t even know it was possible to fight both, but here we are.

And to think that I almost backed out of this surgery 5,654 times because of my fear.

I would have never known that endometriosis was contributing to my pain, if I didn’t take that leap of faith.

I am 4 days in to my 4-6 week recovery, and I have had moments of pain, moments of relief, and lots of time to just rest. Everything that I could do 4 days ago is now just a little harder because of where my stitches are.

God has taught me a lot in the past few days.

He has reminded me how okay it is for me to ask for help.

He has reminded me that rest is a good thing, and not to fight it.

He has reminded me that I am surrounded by an amazing community.

He has reminded me that this is just a season, and that there is hope here.

I am starting to see the light at the end of what was a really hard season, and I am trying to hold onto that.

I was with my mentor a few days ago, and she told me something that really resonated with me. She told me that we get so comfortable in the hard things. In the doctors appointments. In the news that we hear from them. We take comfort in that because it is all we have come to know in certain seasons like this.

But we aren’t called to live in that forever.

Hope is present.

Joy will be found again.

Healing will show up after hard seasons.

-Taylor Kate