231 days.

5,544 hours.

That’s how long it has been since my body started to fail me a little bit.

That’s how long that I have been feeling this nagging pain for.

I have been met with these long hours, and I have had to face them head on.

Whether I have wanted to or not.

If I’m being real honest half the time I don’t want to face the days. I want to stay home until something feels better. But right now that doesn’t look like it is in the books.

I am continuing to be stuck right smack dab in the middle of this season of pain.

(insert sarcastic tone) Seems fair.

Whether I like this season or not (which I really don’t) I have had to face it with courage and faith.

Every.

Single.

Day.

Believing that even now, there is still something that God is trying to show me here.

It has been a constant battle of relentless praying that seems more like begging.

Begging for relief- in any capacity.

Thankfully my nagging prayers don’t bother God. They aren’t any less effective just because they are coming out of a place of utter frustration.

Even though sometimes I feel like He is just. not. hearing. me.

It’s SO easy to want to give up on God when things don’t seem to be going my way. Why am I not healed? He has the power.

Why? Why? Why?

It seems easier to just hide under the covers and wait for my body to heal.

But that is not what God is calling me to do.

He is calling me out to fight this battle and glorify His name in the middle of it.

He is calling me to have hope.

He is calling me to not fear.

He is calling me to rest knowing that He is holding this.

He is calling me to trust Him.

Every day, every doctor appointment, every time I breathe in and feel pain, He is calling me to trust Him.

Where God is, good is being worked.

Whether it’s today. Or tomorrow. Or in 231 more days.

He is going to bring something out of this rather painful season.

And if He is calling me to wait, I am going to be here waiting.

Faithfully and with hope.

Even if I stumble along the way.

-Taylor Kate