Close to every conversation I have with Maura ends with a simple phrase.

Go forth & conquer.

I’m not sure how it all started, but it is something that I have held on to.

We could be talking about anything here. Doing homework. Making lunch. Brewing coffee. Doing laundry. Going to work. Reading the Bible.

Anything that can be conquered.

Lately though, when our conversations have ended like this I have given a soft smile, and said in reply “I feel like I’m being conquered.” The homework is a lot. I don’t have energy to make lunch. Laundry is a chore that gets put off. And I haven’t really touched my Bible in months.

None of this stuff makes me proud. I have had to straight up sit with my struggle knowing that right now I’m being conquered. And that’s just how it is.

There’s day like that. There’s seasons like that. But it’s not wasted. (I’m learning that) no season is ever wasted. And what an amazing promise that is.

Lately I have been reminded a lot about God’s promises. I’ve been reminded by friends, and people who have surrounded me at church.

Constantly. Like every day. Multiple times a day.

It’s a blessing to have people like that.

And today- let me tell you about today.

I found myself sitting deep in conviction. A conviction I haven’t felt in a while. A conviction that has led me to (maybe) believe that God is still interested in my heart and what I’m suffering through.

This conviction is coming at me full speed ahead because lately, well I haven’t believed that. I haven’t let myself be encouraged and comforted by the promises of God. I haven’t let myself believe that God still wants me, and my heart, and my mess.

I have let Satan win, again. I have been convinced that this is all a waste, and that there is no purpose for the pain I am walking through.

But God.

He thinks otherwise. And I’m going to be honest in this space I’ve created. It’s easy to type that out, but it’s something I’m in a constant wrestle about. I want to so badly be able to get up in the morning and declare that God is still good, and that He thinks I’m still worthy in this season that is making me feel unworthy. It’s believing those words that’s the issue.

I’ve been told throughout this whole season that I am stronger than I know, and owning up to my strength is a challenge, but the last thing I feel is strong.

But I think that strength can be found in the small moments:

The moments that are filled with a little bit of laugher. The moments that are filled with encouraging words from friends. The moments where for a second hope is ignited. The moments that I’m crying out to God on my bedroom floor. The moments that remind me that there is still life for me to live.

There’s still life

still hope

even here.

So go forth & conquer.

-Taylor Kate