I would love to be able to hop on here and say that the waiting period I wrote about last week is over. But instead, I am hoping on here to say that I am still in the process of waiting, and it is not the easiest thing in the world to do. But I am here, and by the grace of God, I am doing it. Learning every single day how to have peace in the waiting.

Some days it’s easy. Some days I feel good and I forget that anything is wrong. And then some days are hard and I feel the pain clear. as. day. Yesterday was one of the harder days and I remember laying on the couch questioning God as I was curled up in a ball. When will the answers come? The most ironic thing about all of this is that 2 years ago today I was told that I needed surgery for my sinuses. As I look back on that day I can see how much has changed since then. I did a lot of that alone, I did not have solid friends, and my relationship with God was rocky. Things are very different in my life today but that does not mean that it wasn’t a painful surgery and that those memories don’t add to the fears of what is to come with these PCOS issues.

For whatever reason, these things are all part of my story- a story that God Himself wrote. Who am I to question Him?

I have real fears that I am trying to work through, but at the same time push under the rug. The thing is, God wants me to bring them out. He continues to put me in situations where I am free to talk about everything that is going on, honestly. God does not want me to push my struggles under a rug. I know this solely because I have tried.

I put walls up when it comes to making friends and sharing my story with others. It’s a means of self-protection. I have been hurt by friends and family in the past and it’s scary to think that it could happen again, at any point in time. But God is good still, and He has shown me that I don’t always have to have a wall up. With the right friends, there’s no need for those cement walls that I build around my heart.

Just when I thought that my little circle of friends was complete, God stepped in and placed another beautiful human being in my life. I worked with her in the childcare at my church once, and she was super sweet, but I definitely thought that was going to be the only time I saw her. I never go into childcare thinking that I am going to make new friends out of it.

But God had other plans this time, and I’m honestly so happy that He did. He has allowed our friendship to grow, and I am so thankful for that. I am always convinced that God knows exactly the friends that I need, and He is really good at providing those friends for me in His perfect timing. He definitely knew what He was doing when He placed me in that childcare room for like 6 hours, and it is so rewarding to see the fruit from that day.

Like I said two years ago I was walking through a scarier season alone, and in this season God has shown me time and time again, that I am not alone. He has added a friend in my life who is so sweet, so encouraging, so full of love, so willing to walk with me, and gives really great hugs.

She is a light in the season that I have found myself in, and I will continue to praise God for this community and for the little ways He is still showing up in the midst of my waiting.

Taylor Kate