“It was an accident,” I whispered to myself as I watched the half a cup of coffee seep into the keys of my laptop.

I was working at the coffee shop and decided I wanted a cup of coffee to hold me over for the last hour of work. I brewed it up and went to sit and drink it before starting my closing responsibilities. Getting ready to start cleaning up, I spun the chair towards the door so I could get up to leave the office. Well, it didn’t happen the way it usually does. What actually happened was I spun the chair, the cord to my laptop was stuck on the armrest of said chair, and then the cord got caught under the cup and knocked it right over. Domino effect. All over my laptop, my dress pants, and the floor. Just my luck. So instead of going and cleaning the store, I had just made more of a mess and I instantly was overwhelmed with emotion.

I bet based on the title of this post you can see where this story is going. My laptop would not turn on, and as I was drying out the crevices of my keyboard, panic filled my body and I thought to myself “I just messed up. I messed up big time.” Granted, this was a mistake, and I know that. But it was a mistake that was about to cost me the price of a new laptop.

After the whole disaster happened, I was trying to clean up the mess. Not only the mess in my office but the mess in my head and heart. Cleaning up my office was the easy part, a few paper towels and it was good to go. Cleaning up the mess inside my head and heart is where I struggled. How does one not feel discouraged after something like this happens? The good news is God doesn’t need me to clean up my mess by myself. He sits with me in my frustrations and He calls me into His presence no matter how many cups of coffee I spill.

One of my current favorite songs is Ready or Not by Hillsong United. I start my day with it everyday. My favorite part about this song is that it reminds me that God isn’t moved by perfection, and let me tell you now, I am so far from perfect. But I’m still loved and accepted by Him. Lately, I’m having to remind myself that God still wants me no matter what.

He’s still faithful to deliver
Mighty as ever to save
He’s still good on His promises
And His love still never fails
He’s not moved by perfection
Or how well we look the part
But He’s wild about the hidden stuff
Like He’s wild about the heart

I was mad at myself after everything happened, and my first reaction was just to cry. I was being critical of myself, and I was not putting myself up against God’s standards. After an 8 hour work day, I was tired and completely beside myself. It was in that moment that I realized deep down these tears were over more than just my coffee soaked laptop. These tears were one part coffee soaked laptop, and one part hurt and frustration from the week before.

I spent most of my time that night really reflecting on what had been happening in the past week. Good and bad. The days before were filled with moments that I loved, and moments that I definitely could have lived without. That week held a lot of arguments with family and days where I questioned God and where He had me. I know God wants to use me but sometimes I have no idea how or why.

In that same week, I was reunited with one of my favorite people who taught me in high school and is now a friend of mine. We got to catch up over coffee in a beautiful hangout spot. It’s thanks to her that I found a love for writing and confidence in my ability to do so. If you would have told me before my senior year of high school that I would be blogging and loving it, I would have laughed in your face. But I found a passion, and it is fun to be able to share that with other people.

It’s amazing how one person can make such an impact, and my life is filled with people who I admire. That one-hour coffee date was the highlight of the week, and it’s what I have been able to continue to look back on for a smile in the midst of the crazy.

God is constantly trying to reveal Himself to me. He really woke me up this time with the whole laptop tragedy. It worked. I’m awake now.

But not only did He reveal Himself through that whole mess, but He continues to reveal Himself through the people He has strategically placed in my life, who have been such an encouragement to me in this, and in everything else too.

And for that I’m grateful.

Taylor Kate